He was 17 and a senior in High School, she was a junior, and she was pregnant. They’d been dating for awhile and would sometimes sneak around to be with each other.
He had a rough upbringing and missed a lot of school as a child. In High School he didn’t really take classes that would help him with life skills, much less how to deal with a pregnant girlfriend. And he certainly had no understanding about the growth of a baby or what an abortion was all about. He didn’t look on it as a life.
He also had no idea what she was about to go through when she told him she was thinking of having an abortion.
When he thinks back on that time, he’s not sure she even understood what that meant or what that would do to her.
All he does remember is that he took her to the clinic and watched her walk through the protestors with her head down, and then he left. When he picked her up later, he could tell she wanted to talk about it, but he didn’t want to hear it. She was mortified by what had just happened, but he dismissed the conversation and talked about other things.
They continued to see each other but the relationship was never the same, they were never the same. In his mind her view of him changed, it was as if she felt he made her do something she didn’t want to do.
It’s easy for us to look back and think I wish I had done this or said that. He wishes he would have told her that “God would see them through” and he wishes he would have supported her instead of acting like “it was a hindrance”. But he didn’t and life, their life, went on. They stopped seeing each other and created a different life for themselves.
He never really thought about it until he was invited to volunteer at a pro-life organization years later.
He wanted to be part of something, and this was it. But he still did not understand what an abortion was truly all about, how the procedure works and that a life was taken.
Even going to the organization to sign up didn’t give him a full understanding of what had happened all those years ago. It wasn’t until he heard a pro-life advocate speak out about abortion that he fully understood what abortion is and what it does and what he did when he helped make that decision.
It is his actions that he still lives with today, almost 39 years later.
For him it is not “about him”, it’s “about her” and how she still lives with her decision and how “he influenced her”.
Now that he fully understands he would like to help others understand. If given the opportunity to share he would say to them, “Trust in the Lord”, “God is in control and keeping this child would be a blessing they may not understand yet, but they will”. “That our Heavenly Father, who can take away our sin and turn our choices into something good will fill their lives with joy and love”. Praise God that is what has happened to him!
Statistics tell us that 1 in 4 women have abortions, but we rarely talk about the 1 in 4 men who share some role in the abortion experience. These men are suffering too, they have regrets and sadness, but they often don’t have anyone to talk to.
If you are a man who has had a part in an abortion there is hope and healing for you as well. Rachel’s Vineyard is a weekend retreat that offers healing after an abortion for both men and women. Please contact Judy at 661-864-7508 for information.
