I recently had a conversation with my daughter about some negative self-talk she was engaging in. I asked her, “Would you say that to your best friend? Would it be okay if someone else said that to your best friend?” She answered no to both questions. So I asked, “Why are you talking to yourself that way then? If you wouldn’t say it to them, you shouldn’t say it to yourself either.”
That conversation got me thinking about the power words have over us.
Most people trace the beginning of the feminist movement to the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848, where the focus was on legal inequalities and women’s suffrage. Since then, the various waves of feminism have consistently promoted the idea that women are strong, capable, and able to overcome challenges and pursue their goals.
So why does the messaging often change when a woman experiences an unexpected pregnancy?
Suddenly the language shifts to: “You can’t do this.” “Think of your future.” “Your life will change forever if you go through with this.”
What happened to the message of women’s strength, resilience, and determination? Why do we tell women they are capable of overcoming every obstacle, except this one?
I believe this shift in messaging is often driven by three things: fear, lies, and avoidance of responsibility.
When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, there is often genuine fear surrounding the unknowns of pregnancy and parenthood. Many women fear the physical changes pregnancy brings. Many men and women fear the lifestyle changes they believe parenthood will require. And while there is no manual that suddenly makes someone feel fully prepared to become a parent, people rise to challenges every day through determination, sacrifice, and growth.
These are the very qualities society has spent decades encouraging women to embrace. So why, in the area of pregnancy and parenthood, are so many women instead told they are not capable?
There are also many misleading messages surrounding pregnancy and fetal development. Science has long established that from conception, a new and genetically distinct human life begins developing within the mother. Yet phrases like “just a blob of tissue” or “just a clump of cells” still dominate much of our cultural conversation surrounding pregnancy.
Those words matter. When we reduce developing human life to dismissive language, it becomes easier to encourage abortion as a quick solution rather than encouraging women to believe they are capable of meeting difficult circumstances with courage and support. Where are the voices reminding women that their bodies are not “broken” for becoming pregnant, but are functioning exactly as designed? Where are the people encouraging women with the same confidence and empowerment they receive in every other difficult area of life?
Finally, we are living in a culture that increasingly avoids responsibility and consequences in many areas of life. People say harmful things online and are shocked when there are consequences. People are encouraged to pursue pleasure without considering responsibility, then are surprised when actions produce life-changing outcomes.
Responsibility should not be something we flee from. It should be something we are proud to rise to. Parenthood is not the end of a woman’s future. Women are fully capable of raising children while pursuing careers, education, dreams, and meaningful lives. History is filled with women who have done exactly that.
If we are going to consistently champion women’s strength and resilience, then that message should not disappear when pregnancy enters the picture.
So if you are experiencing an unexpected pregnancy today, let me say this clearly: you do not have to believe the voices telling you that your life is over. You ARE strong enough, capable enough, and resilient enough to face difficult circumstances and still build a meaningful future for yourself and your child.